A Piece of a Woman's Mind

Many of my blogs are critical of men. However, it would be incorrect to assume that I am a misandrist, a hater of men. As the old saying goes, some of my best friends are men, and I have had the privilege to meet many admirable men during my lifetime.

I want to talk about one of those admirable men in my blog today. This man is a close friend whom I have known for many years. I will not give his name because he doesn’t know I am writing about him, and I would never give out his name without permission. Recently I happened to attend a multiple family event which was a celebration of Father’s Day as well as some birthdays for various members of those families. My friend was one of the people being celebrated.

I was touched by the heartfelt greeting cards and gifts he received from his family and friends. I realized that the outpouring of love and respect was the culmination of a lifetime of love and support which my friend had given to the people in attendance. I want to describe what I know about the life of this remarkable, worthy man.

He came from a middle class home and was a much loved only child. He did well in school and received a full scholarship to a prestigious university. He earned Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in engineering and information technology. He served with distinction in the armed forces. He was trained to be a leader and became a team captain and senior executive in several world class organizations. In his leadership roles, he took the opportunity to hire and promote talented women. He was keenly aware of the bias against women in corporate America and tried to do his part to position women to break through the glass ceiling.

He has been married for fifty-five years to a wonderful woman who was a career teacher. She had an important job and worked outside the home at a time when most women stayed at home after they had children. My friend accepted and supported his wife’s career choices.

He and his wife had a boy and a girl who grew up to be successful, contributing members in society. The girl is married, both she and her husband have good jobs, and they have two wonderful young sons. My friend was always active in his children’s lives and served as a coach and mentor for them and their friends. He now does the same thing in his role as grandfather, and his grandsons adore him. He always made it a point to attend father-daughter events and contributed to making them fun and meaningful to his daughter. At every family gathering there are so many wonderful stories about how he and his family grew up in and contributed to their community.

In my opinion men like my friend are the ones who have contributed greatly to making America a successful country and a great place to live. I would love to be able to clone my friend and place a man like him in every family unit. However, in the past couple of decades many of society’s norms have changed. The nuclear family with a mother and father and children has changed its composition.

We now have same sex parents and many single parent families. In particular, the number of single mother families is increasing greatly. Those families are also often living in poverty or close to the poverty line. We know that the changing composition of the family unit is workable and successful, but we need to recognize that men now have some new roles in order to help make our country successful.

One thing which has not changed is that men are still in charge. They still run our governments and our companies. Even though clearly there are fewer families with a man present in the home to help provide money and support, there are still plenty of men in a position to help make our country more friendly and accommodating to women.

In the introduction to this blog I give statistics about the economic status of women in the United States. Women still do not receive equal pay for equal work. Women who have to find the money to raise their children by themselves also need a support network which is no longer being provided by male partners who in most cases would earn more money than they do. These women do not always even have family support from an older generation.

Married and single mothers all need extra support for childcare costs. If a woman cannot earn more than it costs to put her children in childcare, there is little incentive for her to enter and remain in the workforce. This deprives women of the ability to exercise their own creativity outside the home and earn extra money to provide a better life for their children. It is not an exaggeration to say that for women with young children, they are deprived of the chance to save their sanity. Spending day after day with demanding young children although necessary is not always rewarding for the mother.

I would like to suggest some ways that men in our brave new society could contribute to improving the lives of women. First I will discuss men in the workplace. Transportation to the workplace is expensive. Men in a carpool or single drivers in their own car could offer a free ride to single women who work at the same company. Male managers and executives could encourage their company to raise the minimum wage being offered to employees. They could also establish career ladders available to women to get more on-the-job training which would lead to promotions and higher pay. They could encourage the Human Resources Department to present a plan to reduce executive compensation and use that money to bring the hourly wages/salaries of women up to par with those being paid to men for the same job. Most importantly, the men in charge could decide to make free/affordable childcare a company benefit.

When men (50% of our electorate) go to the polls, they should support initiatives and candidates that are good for women and children. Some important women’s issues include access to abortion, childcare tax credits, higher minimum wages, higher spending per pupil in public schools, and access to affordable medical care.

If you’re a baby daddy, don’t be a deadbeat dad. Voluntarily provide monetary support to the mother of your children. Men have more disposable income than women. Donate to charities that benefit women and children. Volunteer your time to participate in activities that benefit the education and socialization of children. Too many of our children today have no positive male role model in their lives. We have more and more families where both parents have full-time jobs just to make ends meet. Your participation in children’s activities will be helping to supplement the efforts of both parents.

The men I criticize in this blog are the ones who are trying to send women back to a time when there was no birth control, no female suffrage, and no economic freedom to empower women to achieve their own goals. I do not believe the majority of men in the United States support these stances. However, I believe those men who disagree with the disempower-ment of women need to step up and make themselves heard. They need to show up for women and children in whatever way they can. I firmly believe that every man who steps up for women and children will be paid back in an equal measure of love and devotion from those he helps. He will also be paid back by living in a society with equality for all. If enough men do that, then I don’t need to worry about cloning my friend. The United States society will flourish once again as men embrace their new roles in a partnership with all US women..